Posts Tagged ‘zeus’

4 items.

Priority Mail

by K on January 4th, 2013
Posted In: Comics
Priority Mail

Hermes’ job within the Greek pantheon was an important one. Being both swift and cunning and possessing magical winged sandals, he was able to travel with great speed to and from Olympus acting as the Gods’ messenger to the mortal world. Unfortunately, given Zeus’s proclivities, it seems likely that this was abused constantly, first grade classroom-style.

Poor guy, it’s hard to feel like your job is important if you just have to deliver love notes from Zeus.

The nice thing is that Hermes was actually a very important figure in Greek mythology. With his winged sandals, the iconic caduceus, his winged helm, and both his speed and cunning, Hermes was more than a bit player in Greek tales. Not only did he act as a messenger between the gods themselves, he was also able to carry messages and pleas to the Gods from mortals. On top of all this, he also played the role of psychopomp, ushering the spirits of the recently deceased to the afterlife. Hermes was thought to be quick witted and was the patron of tricksters and thieves as well as travelers, athletes, herdsmen and orators. The tone of stories that include Hermes have a very similar tone to those about Prometheus. Like the great Titan that brought fire to man in spite of the Olympians’ wishes, Hermes is also seen as interceding on behalf of humans more than is really proper. There seems to be a genuine sense of compassion for the short lived creatures of the earth within the Messenger that isn’t always as apparent in his fellows. For instance, Hermes takes an active interest in the great hero, Odysseus, relaying important information to him personally and appears during the Trojan War to help both sides when needed.

As a trickster god, Hermes does share some qualities in common with trickster gods from other cultures like Loki, though Hermes is rarely malicious in his sport. Where Loki might play a mean trick that leads to serious trouble, Hermes is more about out witting gods and mortals for his own pleasure or for the sake of mortals he has taken an interest in. Though he is sometimes described as a thief or a robber, it’s clear that he is generally seen as a positive force for mankind.

Part of what makes Hermes such an interesting figure within the Greek pantheon is the seemingly disparate spheres of influence he is ascribed within the literature. Hermes was seen as the god of travel, of nature and herdsmen, of thieves and robbers, the protector of commerce and trade, and the patron of both sexual and verbal intercourse. While other gods also have fairly wide areas of influence, Hermes as a god of transience seems to have a little something to do with just about everything! It makes sense, when you think about it. Life is largely about travel and movement and transience in one way or another. This being the primary trait we associate with Hermes, it seems only logical that he would be connected to many other aspects of life and existence through that.

Nowadays we still remember Hermes through his symbols, though many are unaware of their meaning. His winged sandals and cap have made their way into western pop culture and the Caduceus, the winged staff of the messenger surrounded by two snakes, is seen here in the United States outside medical establishments, though this is due to a mix-up with the Rod of Asclepius. Either way, Hermes’ symbols are still alive and well.

Fortunately for Hermes, the retirement of the Greek Pantheon from the realm of active religions likely means a well deserved rest for his poor tired feet.

I imagine it must be nice not having to avoid Hera to deliver Zeus’s inappropriate messages to pretty young mortal women.

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Changes

by K on August 10th, 2012
Posted In: Comics
Changes

After the game, Zeus turned into a porpoise and banged the entire Croatian Olympic women’s beach volleyball team and then swam away.

It was the best Olympics ever.

With the Olympics almost over, I’ve been thinking…what would the patron deity of this whole spectacle think of what we’ve done with his games. It’s hard to imagine, considering the kind of changes that have been made, least of which is the number of events held. There’s one change we can be sure he would be happy with: women participating in sports. Zeus, you old pervert! Stop lookin’ at those finely toned buns!

The addition of women’s beach volleyball to the Olympics has certainly been an improvement for straight men, gay women, horny male deities, and butt-connoisseurs everywhere.

Sorry straight ladies and gay dudes, no more naked oil wrestling for you! You have my deepest sympathies. At least you’ve still got that rowing guy with his package there for the world to see, right?

Because really, when watching the best athletes from around the world compete, the most important thing is how they look, right? Of course it is.

So what was it that started all this off in the first place? There is a fair amount of mythology associated with the games, though there are differing versions about why it began. The simplest version states that it was the mighty hero, Heracles, that began the games to honor to his father, Zeus, after completing his famous labors. This is a common theme in all of the origin stories, however, this dedication to the chief of the ancient Greek divinities.

Back then, the Olympic games were really just the Olympic game, consisting only of the single stadium (200 yard) footrace. Every Olympiad, (4 years, the time between the Olympics) male members of Greek city states would arrive for the games and compete in this simple footrace, but over time, plenty of other games were attached to the event. Various other races including multi-stadium dashes and a version where competitors would wear full battle-gear were added. Eventually, chariot racing, wrestling, boxing, and discus throwing were also put on the list and every event was considered equally valuable, much as they are today (except equestrian dressage).

One thing is clear from the information we have on these ancient games: religion played a much bigger part in the early Olympics than they do today. It’s impossible to discuss the athletics without addressing the larger spiritual framework behind the events. Competing in the Olympics was, in a sense, a form of worship and is very much in line with the physical and spiritual connection present in much of ancient Greek religion. By pursuing greatness in the physical events, the Greek athletes were honoring Zeus and their other gods. Practice, training, competition, sweat, and often blood were a very real symbol of sacrifice to their deities.

Unfortunately, nowadays we’ve lost the true meaning of the games: honoring this horny old thunder god by beating other countries at sports.

Christians say put the “Christ” back in Christmas, well I’ve got a better idea:

Put Zeus back in the Olympics. Have you read about that guy at all?

He’s awesome. Or terrible, it’s hard to say.

One thing is for sure, he is certainly ridiculous.

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Delicious!

by K on March 13th, 2012
Posted In: Comics
Delicious!

I don’t know, there’s something about eggs resulting from divine love making that just tastes better…

Everyone be talkin’ about the ancient Greeks. Have you seen their sculpture work? Examined their beautiful columns? Explored the philosophy of Socrates?

Have you heard about their inter-species erotica?

Oh yeahhhh.

Leda and the Swan tells the story tells of a beautiful young woman named Leda who catches the lustful eye of the mighty Zeus. To hide his actions from his vengeful wife, Hera, Zeus takes on the form of a swan and flies to earth. He flees from a pursuing bird of prey and lands in the arms of the lovely Leda who finds herself drawn to the bird. The two lay together (aka – get it on) on the same day that Leda makes love to her own husband, Tyndaerus. Their copulation results in Leda giving birth to two eggs that, when hatched, contain her semi divine children, one of which grows up to be the famous Helen of Troy. The story tends to get a little muddled at this point. Because Leda was with both Zeus and Tyndaerus on the same day, the children are often seen to be a mixture of both divine and human blood. Helen is always shown as being the blood of Zeus, the result of Leda’s love with the swan, but the other offspring are not as clear.

Strangely enough, Greek mythology is full of this kind of zaniness. Inter-species lovemaking is something that occurs several times throughout the more well known parts of Greek myth and often leads to some of mythology’s most intriguing or terrifying figures. The strangest part of all this is that the animal-human sexy time is always divinely inspired, either as a curse (as in the case of Pasiphae) or thanks to Zeus trying to hide his sexual activities from his wife.

Any mind, on hearing this sort of thing, begins to question just how exactly this all would work. I mean, you don’t have to be aroused by it to wonder just how a human being would even make love to a swan, much less give birth to a clutch of eggs. Luckily for us, the 16th Century was full of European painters so enamored with this idea that nearly every conceivable way of depicting this coupling has been imaginatively laid out for us. Why, exactly, were 16th century painters so excited by Leda and the Swan? Thanks to the Church, which frowned on people depicting human relations, people had to look elsewhere for romantic inspiration.

Enter the swan.

Nowadays this whole story is probably considered inappropriate, most cultures today frown on the idea of having sex with the local wildlife. I’m fairly sure this has been the case for most cultures around the world throughout most of history. Perhaps that’s why people like Leda had to have a cover story for their strange predilections.

“Honey why are you doing it with a large water-fowl?”
‘Oh, don’t worry dear, it’s just Zeus.’
“Seems legit. Carry on.”

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Virility

by K on July 12th, 2011
Posted In: Comics
Virility

When considering the many infidelities (and subsequently the many offspring that sprang from them) of Zeus, I often wonder if it might not be easier to ask the question, “Who didn’t Zeus sleep with?”.

I doubt there would have been a hand raised in ancient Greece when asked that particular question.

Zeus, Lord of the skies, of thunder, and chief among the gods of Ancient Greece was also Lord of being a total man whore. The affairs of Zeus are legendary, few deities in mythology can match the raw virility such a figure and even fewer can match the incredibly weird ways in which he wooed some of those ladies. There are a lot of guys out there that like to imagine themselves lady killers, the sort of dudes that can get any girl under any circumstances. The day those guys can somehow turn themselves into a swan and get it on with an attractive woman is the day they can be correct in those assumptions.

Yeah that’s right. Zeus became a swan, got it on, and had some kids. Imagine Leda (the woman in question) trying to explain THAT one to her children.

The craziest part of all this isn’t that Zeus was able to make-a-love to so many women, nor is it that he was seemingly so potent that every coupling left him with at least a single child, it’s the fact that through it all, his wife, Hera, stayed by his side. Goddess of the home and hearth, matron of marriage, Hera stayed faithful to Zeus through centuries of storytelling, never once deviating despite her husband’s sexual rampaging.

That’s not to say that Hera was a pleasant person all the time, however. Hera’s rage at the women who so roused her husband’s passion is about as legendary as Zeus’s sexual appetite and has been a focal point in several myths, including the tale of Hercules. Despite being a sympathetic ear (one of the few in Greek mythology) for the women of Greece, Hera’s fury was unmatched when it came to dealing with those who dared engage in dalliances with Zeus.

It’s interesting to note that despite helping untold numbers of Greek couples make their marriages happy ones, Hera was never able to help her own. That’s a very human thing to deal with and one that I suspect was no accident from the people telling these tales thousands of years ago. The fact that Hera held on in spite of her husband’s very obvious flaws is both a testament to her womanly duties (as it was seen at the time) and the sad state relationships can turn to when problems aren’t solved together.

Perhaps Hera is still out there somewhere, hanging out with Zeus. Maybe the lack of interest from modern day ladies has caused Zeus to finally settle down and appreciate what he’s got instead of always looking for greener pastures.

That’s a lesson a lot of people, both men and woman, could learn.

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