Who knew the art of manipulating corpses with dark energies could be so much fun?

Probably everyone who has ever tried it.

Our good friend Jonathan P Necromancer makes his return after almost exactly a year! Apparently he and Lil K are buds now. Considering the sort of company that kid keeps, it’s not terribly surprising.

In lieu of the usual blog post where I jabber on about some topic present in the comic for the day, allow me to include this introductory page from “The Necromancer’s Handbook: A Beginner’s Beginning to the End”, a book which I have just made up and whose introductory page I have written myself. Please enjoy:

“So you’ve decided to raise the dead, but you don’t know where to start? Well, you’ve come to the right place. Within the hallowed pages that follow are various rites and rituals to help you get started with the basics of reanimating and controlling spirits, corpses, and the occasional lesser demon. Keep in mind that it is always in the best interest of the practitioner to stay within his or her skill level lest the dark powers take control!

You may be asking yourself, what is the benefit of all the hard work, the clothing stains, and the very likely criminal record I will be acquiring through my initial foray into the world of necromantic activities. While this is, indeed, a Beginner’s guide, the practical applications of the knowledge contained within, dear reader, are innumerable. Reanimating and controlling dead rodents (chapters 1 through 7), for instance, may seem trivial to the untrained, but many of the greatest Necromancers throughout history have made their fortunes with tiny rodent circuses in which their new thralls performed incredible feats. ‘Yes, but what of the zombies? What of the hordes of spirits? When will my undead army be ready for world conquest?’ you ask. We must be able to shamble slowly before we can lurch quickly, practitioner!

Now, the most important part of preparing for our practice is to choose an ideal location for manipulating the dead. Is there an ample supply of corpses nearby or will there be soon? Are there rodents, bugs, or small reptiles in the area for our first attempts? Is there a large cemetery nearby or will there be due to plague, warfare, or your own uncontrollable bloodlust for later work? These are important questions as the necromancer must always be aware of how his surroundings relate to his art. Corpses are our lifeblood, so to speak!

Now that you’ve found a suitable location, it is important to cover some of the most basic tools used in grave-wizardry. Shovels, for instance, are of great importance. Never underestimate the power of a quality digging tool in both uncovering corpses and creating new ones, should the need arise! Ritual altars, cauldrons of varying sizes, and drawing tools are also necessary in the art of necromancy and can typically be found in your local black magick shop. If no shop is available in your area, selling one’s soul (if one has not already done so) may also be an option and a way to acquire some very ghoulishly crafted implements.

So we have our location, we have our corpses, and we have our implements. All is ready for the next great Necromancer to make his or her way into the world with the undead at their command! Prepare yourself, dear reader, for the incredible power, the horrific sights, and the rather unpleasant smell that you will have to get used to!

Please continue to the next chapter: My First Familiar: The Reanimated Mouse (page 3).”

EDIT: I did two versions of this comic. I ended up liking the second one better (I just felt like it was punchier) but you can check out the old one on this new tumblr thing I got here.

Attention! If you have not been tested, do yourself and your partner(s) a favour and head to the nearest clinic now! You could be a vampire and not even know it. Vampirism is the silent killer and it will not hesitate to mess your shit up! If you know you’re a vampire, we don’t take kindly to your type around here so why don’t you just mosey on back to your coffin!

I’ve always thought of vampirism as being an awkward affliction. Maybe you become a vampire without realizing it and just start biting people. You realize, later, that you’ve contracted this disease. It’s time to make some phone calls. Who were you with recently? This is going to be tough…

I’ve never had an STD before, but I imagine it’s roughly analogous.

Then again, I suppose the thirst for blood, the fangs, and the aversion to sunlight might make self diagnosis much simpler. WebMD’s probably got some info on dealing with it.

Awkwardness aside, the vampire in modern fiction doesn’t seem all that bad if you take away the unquenchable desire for human juices. Being a vampire is, largely, a matter of having super strength, super speed, good looks, and pale skin. You get to sleep all day, go clubbing at night, and have beautiful perfect teeth with some bitchin’ canines. Oh and you get to live forever. Yeah yeah, you watch everyone you love die, wah wah wah. Give me a break. You want to hang out with them for eternity? Turn them into a vampire, you baby!

Back in the day, being a vampire was actually seen as pretty horrible. The thirst wasn’t just a slight thing, it was constant and it was painful. Vampires were less human and more walking corpse. Nobody wants to live forever if they can’t at least look good doing it.

I sure as shit don’t.

I guess that’s the thing about eternity. You never hear people talk about heaven or vampires now and hear them talk about how they’ll look old or ugly or have that terrible acne problem. No, everything’s perfect forever, whether you’ve been bitten or living in a sweet afterlife. I’m not sure if that’s a product of our own wishful thinking or a more modern concept thanks to a culture of celebrity worship and super model obsession, but it’s strange when you think about it. Why should every vampire look good? Maybe good looking people just taste better. Maybe there’s some kind of pheromone at work. I don’t know, I’m not a scientist.

If I were a scientist this is the sort of thing I would study. As soon as my patrons found out I would promptly lose my funding and never be taken seriously again, if I ever was in the first place.

You know what, I think I’ll stick with comics. It’s probably for the best.

**UPDATE: The new site is working, we’re fixing up the last of the kinks and working on fixing some of the extraneous stuff like those neat buttons on the side and recreating the rather simple store we had on the old site! This should all be worked out in the next week! Comics resume on Tuesday!**

This comic is about how sometimes we just happen to fall into love without really searching for it. Just kidding guys, it’s about necrophilia. Enjoy it!

Jonathan P. Necromancer makes his triumphant return. I had always envisioned him as a recurring character, but there’s something powerful about him. He asserts himself in whatever comic I write and that’s not always a good thing. I wrote this strip a while ago and kept it on the back burner but it gives him the space he needs to own the strip!

There isn’t a ton to be said about JP Necromancer at this point. His name implies (and rightly so) that his primary motivation as a character involves corpses. Little did we know just how deep that motivation ran. I guess he can’t really relate to normal humans.

Whatever happened to that race for Selectman, anyway? Maybe we’ll hear more about his political aspirations in future strips!

Anyway, sorry for the slightly late update! Ran into some technical issues and lost my colours at one point then had to go out for the night but I fought through with only 2 hours of sleep to finish it early in the day! Hooray!