You’ve been clamoring for it for ages and I have finally delivered! A new dire owl strip! Everyone say thank you to Liz for this idea! Thank you, Liz!

Since their debut in July of 2009, the deadly dire owl has raised more than a few questions. Where do they come from? What is their purpose? Why all the shooting? With the advent of this new strip, those questions remain. There are, unfortunately, only more questions.

While I prefer to let the mystery of our dapper friends unfold in the comics themselves, I can give you a few tips on how to avoid rousing the ire of these beasts.

1. Do not perform magic. Whether we are talking about illusory tricks and prestidigitation or legitimate sorcery, it is unwise to engage in magic when dire owls are around. Dire owls are notorious for their hatred of these arts and will use your powers against you or they will shoot you. Probably both.

2. Watch out for top hats. Dire owls like to nest in snug spaces rather than in the tops of trees like their brethren. Top hats, like dresser drawers, make perfect homes for dire owls to store their revolvers and bow ties. If you’re not careful you could end up with your hair full of enraged dire owl.

3. Do not run for political office. Dire owls despise political figures. There is a lot of misinformation out there about the assassinations of great presidents like JFK and Lincoln being perpetrated by humans. It’s pretty obvious that this is untrue. Need I remind you that Lincoln wore a top hat? See rule #2

4. Do not invite a dire owl into your home. Like vampires, dire owls cannot enter your home without your express consent…unless they really want to. Which they will. So I guess this rule is useless. It’s probably best if you just don’t own a home because dire owls will get in there and they will not be stopped.

I sincerely hope these rules help keep you from a tragic end, but we live in uncertain times. Your best bet to avoid death at the hands of a dire owl is simply to be aware. Pay attention to the warning signs and avoid back alleys and walk-in closets.

Be safe out there, people!