Poor Jesus, if only he’d been as capable as those people competing in eating contests, maybe he would have survived…

Many of my readers are or were Christian or are familiar with the Christian religion so this blog post probably doesn’t need to be exhaustive in its content. Jesus, in Christian mythology, is thought to be the son of God and the spiritual savior of mankind. To many Christians, (though not all) his death, via crucifixion, is a transformative process for both him and for humanity. By allowing himself to be crucified according to God’s will, Jesus accepts the sins of mankind and brings everyone who accepts his divine nature into the embrace of God. The idea here is that it is through Jesus, his teachings and his death, that Yahweh becomes the god of all mankind rather than simply the god of the Jewish people.

It’s all very serious stuff to devout Christians and it’s hard not to take it seriously when one sees the rather gruesome images of Jesus nailed to some pieces of wood.

Then again, it’s not hard to imagine other outcomes where he died in some other, more ridiculous fashion. This is the sort of thing I think about on a pretty regular basis. Along with this thought, I’m forced to wonder if people would be as ready to wear a giant hamburger necklace to commemorate their savior’s noble sacrifice as they are to wear the rather unobtrusive crosses they wear currently. It would be hard to make that look anything but ridiculous. I’m sure Flava Flav would wear it, but what wouldn’t that guy wear?

As if it weren’t enough that he died in a pretty grisly fashion, now Jesus has to endure jokes about eating hamburgers to death. At least he and any of his offended followers can console themselves with the fact that if they’re right, I’m almost certainly going to hell.

I wonder if they serve burgers down there?