Times are tough for families nowadays. It seems like you can’t turn around without bill collectors harassing you or repo men taking that totally banging 72 inch flat screen TV you just bought. What are the best ways to reduce expenditures and start saving money? Use energy more efficiently? Purchase only the food you need? How about feeding your children to creatures that inhabit the space under their beds?

That’s the one.

The boogeyman and monsters under the bed have enjoyed popularity in the nightmarish world of kids’ minds for ages. How a creature would have adapted to living in such conditions is beyond me. I mean, there isn’t a great deal of food available in that rather limited ecosystem, and if your predations are thwarted by your meal simply hiding under a blanket…well, let’s just say you’re not a very effective organism. One would hope that a monster would not be deterred by a cloth shield. These are the issues affecting today’s monsters, I suppose.

I imagine a paneled room with a rather large table surrounded by hideous beasts. They sip their coffee and look over the day’s memos. Bob presents his latest model on how to bypass the incredible defenses used by their prey. The room is silent. Jeremy thinks about the laundry he has to do and the children he has yet to eat.

That’s some potent imagery.

It’s interesting to see the out-right dismissal of childhood monsters by those of us that have left that part of life behind us. I’ve talked about cognitive dissonance before when it comes to the supernatural. There are many among us that truly believe in Sasquatches and Popabawas and all kinds of ridiculous things but when confronted with the concept of a boogeyman, we snicker. Personally, I’m not sure what, exactly, gives credence to a sasquatch and denies the existence of boogeymen. If there’s evidence there, I’d love to hear it.

I guess what I’m saying is that if people want to believe in the supernatural you can’t really believe in one specific thing. It’s fun to think about, but the reality is that belief in the kraken but denial of ghosts or belief in Sasquatches but derision toward psychics seems disingenuous at best. There’s no hard evidence for any of it and while cherry-picking our beliefs is what the majority of us do, it doesn’t make it rational.

I prefer to let these concepts come alive in the world of imagination and metaphor. The natural world is a magnificent place without the existence of the supernatural. Besides, if these things were real they’d become boring after a while anyway.

You’d look under the bed, find yet another boogeyman. You’d let out a long belabored sigh, grab your phone, and call the boogeyman exterminator. He’d take care of the issue and you’d be out a hundred bucks.

Imagination is infinitely more exciting.

It is also a lot cheaper.