With the media and everyone else in the goddamn world in a panic over swine flu, it seems that we may have overlooked a crucial connection. Allow me to hit you with some logic.

-The new H1N1 strain of Swine Flu arose first from birds, then pigs.
-Who eats birds and pigs? Humans.
-Birds and pigs, therefore, have motivation for destroying humanity.
-Working in tandem, avian and swine contact Al-Quaeda
-The nefarious criminals create a deadly cocktail of diseases, hoping for one to stick
-The H1N1 virus spends time in birds, then invades pigs, and eventually hits humanity like a flaming school bus full of those weird russian nesting dolls
-Humanity panics, missing the point entirely

That’s right. Your food is out to kill you. The tables have been turned.

At least, that’s how the screenplay I would write would go. Did I mention that I am awesome at coming up with incredibly relevant Hollywood Blockbusters?