Fourth of July celebrations are incredibly dangerous. You can lose a hand any number of ways, blowing it off with fireworks, burning it off with fireworks, or even getting mugged for your fireworks. I hope everyone was very safe yesterday!

I sincerely hope that my fellow US citizens had a happy Saint Fireworks Day yesterday! Burgers, beer, and combustibles! What more could a person want?

For those unfamiliar with the Fourth of July, let me break it down for you:

Every year on this day we, the citizens of the United States of America, gather up, party down, and light off some explosives in honor of the life and death of Saint Firework, a daredevil with a heart of gold. In his younger days, it is said, he was a rebel without a cause, a fellow pushing against “the establishment” with naught but style and a natural gift for riding a dirt bike over huge ramps. As days went on, St. Firework (god bless his heart) began to realize that if his message were to be heard, it would require a bang and probably some flashing lights.

So he gathered up what little money he had started up a factory to create a device that would forever bear his name: the firework. His first attempts were little more than those lame snappers you can buy for really cheap at parades from street vendors, but after years of toil, he finally achieved his dream of telling the man to shove off with some really fabulous explosions. Explosions so fabulous, in fact, that he was incinerated by that very first batch.

Gentleman Firework, as he was known at that time, was later canonized after a series of miracles recognized by the Catholic Church. Several miraculous healings, granted from a Roman Candle that never went out, and Saint Firework’s face appearing in a shower of golden sparks from a firework that was supposed to explode in the shape of a cat are just two examples.

Today we celebrate his death in the only way he would have wanted it: by blowing shit up like a bunch of hooligans.

St. Firework: his life was one hell of a ride.

Please note that everything above this line is a total lie.

I do hope everyone had a good Fourth of July, I also hope you killed some of those damn red coats! Bastards! NO TAXATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION!!

I am also terribly sorry for the missed comic on Friday, I had worked on a comic until very late only to realize that the strip I had written had already been done, which was something of a bummer. It was even more of a bummer realizing that the person that had done that strip was none other than myself.

Self plagiarism is a terrible thing.