I don’t know what the hell a Tarmagaxx is, I just know that I want to eat it…right now.

Whatever it is, it sounds delicious.

The labeling on food products here in the United States definitely leaves something to be desired. Most states don’t have clear rules on what a company can and can’t say about their product, especially when it comes to the word “Natural” even though every big corporation wants to use it thanks to its unanimously positive nature. In our modern culture full of high technology and genetically engineered organisms “natural” is always good. The rules for labeling something as natural are so vague in most places that I have to wonder, what the hell is so unnatural about some products that corporations are legally obligated to tell you it is only 97% natural?

Clearly the only answer here is some seriously supernatural shit. We’re talking dark wizards. We’re talking cauldrons. We’re talking about words like “Tarmagaxx” being thrown around.

Ultimately, the issue here is defining what is and isn’t “natural”. The whole system of natural food labeling is a bit of a mental quagmire. How do we really define what is natural and what isn’t? GMOs, chemical pesticides, and man-made fertilizers are just how things are done nowadays and it’s hard to argue with the fact that they’re effective at increasing crop yields, but at what cost? It’s hard to say what the long term issues are for some of these methods and it’s not as if you can blame people for worrying about their health. Are some people probably just being reactionary or taking advantage of a vague and somewhat worrying situation to make bogus legal claims? Almost certainly. Besides, it’s not like mankind hasn’t been making adjustments to the natural order since the dawn of our species. Crop growing in general is a man-made process and domesticated animals aren’t exactly “natural”. Dogs didn’t exactly start out being man’s best friend. But are there serious concerns with the food we consume here in the United States? Absolutely.

Sure, we may not be eating Tarmgaxxes or other paranormal foodstuffs, and even if we were we probably wouldn’t know about it, but either way, it’s good to at least know a little about what you’re eating and cooking with foods that are grown and harvested in traditional ways can’t really hurt.

That said, I’d still like to know if there’s some Tarmagaxx in my cereal…so that I can purchase it immediately and shove it into my gullet.

Now I wish there were a chain of fast food restaurants run by sorcerers…

There’s no way it could be worse for you than McDonald’s.